Sense Memory
by Shoequeeny
Summary: It's three years after Connor's memory change and his new life as Average Jake is about to be disrupted by a certain Slayer's sister. Jeez, that sounds cheesy. But it's not. I hope.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Sense Memory

Disclaimer: The rights to both Buffy and Angel characters are certainly not mine and though there are a couple of original characters in here, trust me, I'm not even making money off them.

Pairing: Dawn/Connor (Jake)

Timeline: This is set about three years after the Buffy finale and the Angel Season 4 finale. 

Author's Note: I've changed one small detail when it comes to the 'Connor-memory-change-thingy'. We were shown that the other members of AI had no memory of Connor, this bothered me for so many reasons and for the purposes of this story it's been changed with all the members of AI knowing exactly who Connor is. Oh, and Connor's name in this is Jake. Can't see them keeping the same name in his new life, can you?

Author's Note 2: Whilst this first chapter is pretty slow with character introduction and all those other yucky things that writers have to do hopefully the action will pick up. Also, hopefully I will write more.

At the age of seven Jake realised that memory was a fickle thing. It was Christmas and his house was full of family, like it was every year at that time. His father, who Jake remembered being tall then though now Jake could look him directly in the eye, had introduced him to an old family friend who Jake had, apparently, met before. Jake knew what to do with old family friends, he had to shake their hands and smile and if he knew them really well he was supposed to give them a hug. Except Jake didn't know this family friend at all, however hard he tried to think up a name or even a recollection of the face Jake came up blank. So, though he'd shook the man's hand politely and said hello, he hadn't smiled. Because Jake didn't smile at strangers, and because he couldn't remember that man's name or face he was a stranger.

Fourteen years later Jake was of the opinion that the periodical table of elements was made up of old family friends who most definitely were strangers. After his tenth try of memorising it Jake threw the book across the cramped dorm room narrowly avoiding his roommate's head. The tall, gangly boy leaning on the wall with the book shaped dent in it raised his head from his own book whilst leisurely raising an eyebrow. The unspoken question caused Jake to grunt in annoyance and throw himself back on the bed in a style that would have looked dramatic to anyone else and yet on Jake never looked anything less than natural. "It won't work." Ground out Jake through gritted teeth. "I have tried every memory exercise in the book and then some and I still can't remember the damn thing!" Hurling himself back to his feet Jake marched to the door grabbing a leather jacket and so causing a mini-avalanche of clothes as he did so. "I'm just going to fail chemistry! Hell, I might just drop it anyway." Jake sighed resignedly while throwing on the battered jacket. 

The other occupant of the room watched him patiently, presumably waiting for a lull in the tirade. When he was satisfied that his friend had finished he placed his book down carefully after ensuring his bookmark was in place, and smoothly stood from the bed retrieving his own jacket as he did so. "Firstly, you are not going to drop chemistry as you've never dropped anything your entire life." He stated firmly and calmly, coming to stand in front of Jake. "Secondly, you just need a break and so are coming with me to the bar that I know you despise and thirdly, well I can't actually think of a thirdly but basically if I have to avoid decapitation by chemistry book for a third time, I'm really not going to be happy, so come on!" he finished happily trying to bundle his roommate out the door. 

Running a hand through short brown hair as he was shoved through the doorway Jake half-heartedly protested; "Chris!" before he let himself be led through the crowds of chattering students that filled the halls. 

As Jake filed in behind Chris the first thing that hit him was that the bar was smoky and noisy and filled with people who were obviously students and so even more obviously were most likely underage. "Do I really have to be here?" Jake implored Chris, his voice rising in a effort to make himself heard over the music pounding though the room. Chris merely glanced over his shoulder giving what Jake had come to think of as his manic grin before leading the way through a throng of pretty girls giving them all admiring smiles as headed for the bar.

"Beer?" Chris tossed the question over his shoulder as he leaned over the bar looking for the tender. Jake cocked his head to the side, appraising his friend.

"Now you ask what I want?" he inquired, though his tone was more good-natured than irritable. 

"I'm going to take that as a yes." Chris answered half-turning to give his friend a genuine smile. While Chris gave the bartender their order Jake cast another appraising look this time over the room. He'd picked out maybe ten people he knew when he noticed a girl stood giggling at the bar. She was obviously arguing with the barman about her age and was using all the feminine wiles at her power to get a drink. Jake smiled at the display guessing the girl to be a couple years younger than himself. Pushing his way back to Jake laden with two jugs of beer, Chris let his gaze follow his friend's to see what he had latched onto. The manic grin reappeared when he saw the pretty long haired girl.

"Go talk to her." He yelled into Jake's ear whilst pushing the beer into his hands. Jake glanced at him guiltily and yelled back.

"And say what?" He glared down at his beer morosely. "I always end up saying something stupid." Chris chuckled good-naturedly and threw a hand onto Jake's shoulder.

"You're in a bar, man! If you say something stupid you can blame it on the drink!" Jake looked as though he was contemplating this.

"You know that actually makes sense." and with a determined shrug that dislodged Chris' hand Jake set out across the bar. Chris smiled after him for a second before turning his attention to a cute redhead that was perched on a barstool next to him.

Muttering sorry to the dozen people that he inadvertently rammed his shoulder into Jake made his way through the crowd getting closer to the girl. Unfortunately the time it took him to elbow his way towards her also gave Jake some time to think about what he was about to do. It wasn't that Jake never hit on girls, he just really didn't like to hit on girls in crowded bars that smelled like the inside of a men's urinal. His rationalisation for avoiding this situation was that there were never any nice girls in those places anyway. So as Jake pushed himself past a burly senior it occurred to him that he was just about to break one of his own unwritten rules. It also wasn't helping that the closer he got the cuter she got. That fact just made his nerves skyrocket even higher.

Just as the decision to back out had implanted itself in Jake's mind he found himself in front of the girl. Shocked by his sudden proximity Jake's mouth went dry and he found himself not even able to think up something stupid to say. The girl glanced to her side, her mouth quirking up in a friendly smile as she saw him before turning back to the bar and the drink she'd apparently finally wrangled from the bartender. This gesture infused Jake with some new found confidence and before he could once again over-analyse his actions he leaned in next to her and practically yelled over the music, "Hi, I'm Jake." 

The girl turned fully towards him, her smile this time filling her face. She gave him a once-over with bright blue eyes before offering her hand in a friendly gesture with the words; "Nice name. I'm Dawn."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay so it's going a little slow. But this is my first multi-chapter fic so I'm just getting to grips with the pacing. I'm used to slow character introspection. Sorry. Well, practice makes closer to perfect so it should get better.

"And Ba is…damn, wait. Ba is..erm.. Aha! Ba is barium!" Dawn concluded with a satisfied smile as she walked with Jake through the campus. "I believe that means you owe me ten bucks." she said poking her companion in the arm as he shook his head in disbelief.

"You remembered all of them?" Incredulity laced his voice. "I can barely remember twenty of them!" Still shaking his head as he admired the girl beside him Jake took his wallet out of his pocket. Dawn laughed gaily when she saw what he was doing.

"Oh come on! I was kidding you don't actually have to pay me because I did my chemistry homework!" She exclaimed batting his hand away. Adamantly trying to push the note into Dawn's hand Jake smiled in turn.

"Nope you have to take it. You won the bet. Fair's fair." Dawn moved to stand in front bringing the pair to a halt in the centre of the pavement. Holding both hands up to ward off the boy trying to give her money she cocked her head to the side consideringly. 

Apparently coming to a conclusion Dawn dropped her hands to her side and said with a coy smile; "Well, I suppose you could use that money to buy me dinner tomorrow." Jake's expression would have been comical if it didn't worry Dawn so much. "I mean, that is, if you want to?" she stammered out, hurriedly returning to Jake's side and beginning to walk along again. His hand shot out and curled around her upper arm bringing her to a stop. She span quickly, that action normally requiring her to use some of the self-defence moves her sister her made sure she knew before she left home. Seeing the smile on Jake's face Dawn ordered herself to relax and impishly pushed her long hair behind her ear to cover up the fist that had been starting to form.

"I'd love to take you." Jake said moving his hand down her arm till his fingers curled around hers. Dawn smiled at the action and felt herself start to relax a fraction more. As the pair set off in the direction of her dorm the darkness of the night suddenly occurred to Dawn. 

"Hey Jake, what time is it?" Spinning their joined wrists around Jake glanced at his watch.

"Just gone three. Why? You're all right coming back this late aren't you?" Worry laced his voice and etched his face causing Dawn to mentally groan. As if she didn't have enough surrogate big brothers with Spike, Xander and Angel to have potential boyfriends containing the 'must-protect-Dawn' gene. 

"God no, that's fine. I was just thinking about how it's kinda dangerous at this time of night." Dawn unconsciously phrased the words carefully, years of hiding the truth about the un-dead coming into play.

"Well, that's why I'm walking you to your dorm." The expression on Dawn's face told Jake that that was completely the wrong thing to say. "Not that you need protecting or anything." he back-pedalled quickly. She rolled her eyes at him and forced a grin. Dawn had learnt the hard way that even with all the new slayers in the world she was still a target being the original slayer's sister and all. It also didn't help that she was a millennia-old ball of energy. She didn't like to think that Jake might be a target just because he was with her and not have a clue about how to defend himself. Least she could put up a good fight.

"Well you know I could walk you to your dorm. Exercise some of that feminist power I'm supposed to have." Dawn said laughingly. Jake was giving her a curious look.

"Dawn, it's fine. Your dorm's on the way to mine. It's really no big deal." She opened her mouth to protest but a hand muffled whatever she was going to say. "And anyway," said Jake, emphasising the last word. "We're here." Dawn's eyes widened as she took in the building a few feet away. 

"Oh." she murmured as Jake removed his hand. 

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" Jake asked leaning over to give Dawn a chaste kiss on the lips. 

"Sure." said Dawn, watching him walk away from her. "Be careful." Sighing wistfully she turned to walk through the door to her hall. 

And came face to face with a fang-carrying member of the un-dead. The vampire growled menacingly, advancing towards his prey. Dawn merely sighed in annoyance and pushed her hair behind her shoulders so it couldn't get in her way. It always bothered her when her hair flew in her face when she was fighting and she never could understand how it didn't bother Buffy. 

Sid stilled, slightly perturbed at the girl's reaction. True, he hadn't been a vampire very long, just last week he'd been serving popcorn at the movie theatre but since he'd become one of the legion of un-dead he'd gotten used to people fleeing in terror not standing looking like they were trying to decide between salted or sweet. Well, if she wasn't scared then she obviously didn't know what was coming. Sid licked his lips in gleeful anticipation; this was going to be an easy kill. Much easier than that football player who'd managed to slam his head into a wall before he'd gotten a good hold on his jugular.

But now the girl just looked irritable. Sid considered this. She probably thought that he was part of some fraternity prank that was supposed to scare the young co-eds. Well, she was in for a surprise when Sid revealed that his pointy teeth weren't plastic and could sink into the smooth skin of her neck and lap up that sweet, young blood like nectar from a…. The girl suddenly moved forwards muttering something that sounded suspiciously like "Oh, for God's sake." and Sid barely had time to even think of nipping at her neck before the wooden stake found it's home nestled between his ribs piercing his stilled heart.

Dawn brushed off her jeans whilst pocketing her stake. Either the vampires were just getting really lax on passing on their killing techniques or they were just picking total morons to change. Dawn had an inkling it might be the latter if only because of the completely idiotic look on the vampire's face when she'd dusted him. 

Dawn pushed open the door to her sparsely furnished dorm room finding it practically bare of furniture and roommates. "Trust me to hook up with the gentleman." Dawn muttered irritably before raising her fingers to her lips remembering the brief kiss with a smile. She threw the stake into the weapons trunk that lay at the end of her bed and threw herself back onto the blue and red patterned duvet without even taking off her shoes. Glancing at the answer phone she rolled over irritability slamming her hand onto the 'play' button.

"Dawn? You there? Dawn? Erm, well okay, it's Angel, just checking up on you… wait! I mean, I'm just checking you're okay! Just, you know, call me when you get in. Bye." Three more messages pretty much encompassed the same territory causing Dawn to roll her eyes whilst hitting speed-dial.

"Hello, Angel Investigations. We help the helpless." Cordelia's cheerful voice greeted Dawn, causing her to smile into the phone.

"Hey, Cordy. It's me. Just, you know, calling to tell you I got in." Dawn could practically see the older girl biting back a laugh.

"He just worries Dawn." Dawn once again rolled her eyes.

"Right, because it's not like I fought vampires for years or anything." This time Cordy couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled over the line.

"Well, it's hard to explain. It's just you sort of remind him of someone." Dawn's eyebrows quirked up in curiosity.

"Who?" Cordy cleared her throat giving Dawn the distinct impression that she'd said more than she should have.

"Hey you know what Dawnie I gotta go. I'll tell Angel you're okay and come visit us soon, kay?" Cordy said hurriedly before leaving Dawn to stare perplexed into the handset. 

"Weird."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Ah the Cordy thing. It did occur to me, after posting, that Cordy was still in the coma so it is explained though I nearly just let it slide with a footnote about how it is three years later after all. Originally this chapter was longer but it just ended up making sense cutting in half. So the next chapter should be up pretty soon as it is written just needs to be proof-read. Thanks for all the reviews and I just hope you keep on reading.

Dawn dropped herself into the seat opposite Cordelia trying to ignore the rush of workers around her as the LA branch of Wolfram and Hart closed for the day. Cordelia was watching her with a glint in her eye that made Dawn fidget uneasily on the uncomfortable wooden chair perched in front of the receptionist desk. Quickly saying hello she pretended to be fascinated by the flow of people around her. Studiously observing a petite woman's briefcase seemed the best way of avoiding whatever subject Cordy was about to pester her over.

Dawn waved jubilantly as Angel came over, praying that the vampire could derail Cordelia's train of thought concerning her. Waving a hand in greeting Dawn saw he was carrying a giant yellow mug with a smiley face embossed on it which if Dawn wasn't mistaken had steam flowing from the top. He smiled happily as he drew level with Dawn, giving her a one-armed hug as he asked her how she was. Cordy raised herself up ready to inject the question she was apparently dying to ask but Angel turned on her pushing the steaming mug towards her. Cordy's face instantly wrinkled up in distaste, a sight which made Dawn giggle.

"Cordy, drink it." Angel said wearily, hastening to push the mug at Cordelia's raised hands. Her face, if possible, wrinkled further and she placed a hand over her nose to illustrate her point.

"Do I have to?" she whined sounding unerringly like a small child. "It tastes so gross!"

"Cordy!" implored Angel pathetically. Cordy merely rolled her eyes at him whilst grabbing the mug out of his flailing hand. Dawn looked at her curiously.

"Medicine." explained Cordelia with an exaggerated sigh. "Angel here seems to think that if I don't drink it at least three times a week I'll fall back into that miserable coma." Angel glanced up from where he'd occupied himself shuffling files to give her a look. "Which, okay, is probably true." Cordy conceded. "But I don't see why those Tibetan monks couldn't have thought up something yummier than crushed grass and beetles." Angel rolled his eyes at this, obviously used to her tirade. "I mean, really, would making my medicine taste like a frappacino have killed them?" 

Angel strode to her side. "You know Cordy if it wasn't for them…" Cordy cut him off mid-sentence by purposely leaning over the counter, fixing Dawn with a penetrating stare.

"So, who is he?" Cordy interrogated. Dawn stared at her, open-mouthed.

"What? How did you? What?" Dawn blustered. Cordy smiled a satisfied grin at this and Angel walked away with a quick goodbye to Dawn muttering something about women and gossip which made Fred look at him oddly and hurry on over to the pair in deep conversation by the reception counter.

"So basically he's this total Adonis who smarter and cuter and funnier and just an all-round more amazing guy than any other guy in the entire world and he's the reason that this is the first time you've visited us in the last two weeks?" Cordy asked a blushing Dawn ten minutes after the conversation, or interrogation as Dawn would recall it, had started. Dawn fidgeted out of embarrassment.

"Well, we've been seeing each other pretty much everyday." Cordy's smirk told Dawn exactly what she was about to say. "Not like that!" she pre-empted hastily. Cordy's eyebrow rose and even Fred looked at her askance. "Well, okay, maybe a little like that." The other girls laughed.

Dawn glanced at her surrogate big sisters, smiling. It made it easier being away from Buffy with the two of them always on hand to offer face to face advice. Hell, even Lilah was good for advice if she ever needed to get out of a parking ticket. Or, you know, learn how to cover up a gaping neck wound. "Well do we get to meet the lucky guy then?" asked Fred smiling, breaking Dawn's reverie. 

"Well, maybe. He's coming to pick me up for a movie. But," she added seeing the devious expressions on the other girls' faces. "you are not in any way allowed to tease, interrogate or in any other way scare the hell out of my new boyfriend. Got it?" Cordy held her hands up in mock surrender, shooting Fred an amused glance.

"Okay, okay. We got it. Dawn's new boyfriend Jake is officially off-limits to us." Cordy's mouth quirked up at the glare her young friend sent her. "In terms of annoying and interrogating and scaring the hell out of." she added with a laugh. 

"Good." Dawn said threatening them with an outstretched finger and a mock glare. "Because I am sure that once he meets Spike and Angel he'll probably never speak to me again for fear of castration." Both girls winced sympathetically, having suffered the over-protectiveness of Angel on many a new boyfriend. "So, I'd like to think that he could at least wave from the other side of the foyer at you guys without me having to worry about whether I'll have a boyfriend the next day."

"Wave from the other side of the foyer?" Fred repeated, "We don't even get to meet him?" Dawn smiled wickedly whilst glancing first at her watch then at the door to the monstrous office building.

"Nope." She looked at her watch again. "And he should be here any minute… Now." She finished with a satisfied smile at the figure opening the door. "How cute is that? He's always on time!"

"Adorable." answered Cordelia with a wry smile. Dawn jumped off her chair and sauntered across the foyer giving her boyfriend a quick hug and kiss before trying to drag him out the building.

"Just wave at them." she said under her breath as she tried to hurry their escape.

"Gee, should I smile too?" Jake asked comically waving over his shoulder.

"If you want." Dawn replied in the same undertone before raising her voice to yell, "Bye guys!" Giggling whilst stopping what was quickly becoming Jake's demented waving, Dawn didn't actually glance back at her friends sat around the marble counter. 

As the giggling couple vanished through the large doors Fred turned to look at Cordelia finding her pale faced, wide-eyed expression perfectly mirrored in the other woman's. "Was that?" she managed to utter, her voice sounding as scared and small as it ever did in Pylea.

"Yup." whispered Cordelia, her knuckles turning white where they gripped the cold marble tightly. Fred leaned over and gently moved her hands, remembering everything that the boy they'd just seen actually meant to Cordy. "That was Connor."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: See a plot is actually forming! Hopefully the action will start to pick up and though I know what happens I have no idea how many chapters it's going to take so I just hope you stick with it through what could be a long haul.

"So, Cordelia's the one who used to go to school with your sister?" Jake asked his girlfriend as they faced each other over a battered linoleum table topped with a pizza. Dawn nodded in affirmation as she grappled with a pile of toppings that were slowly slipping off her slice. "And Angel's your sister's ex-boyfriend? So the others are just people you know through Angel?" Dawn shook her head whilst dabbing at her mouth with a napkin.

"Nope, Wesley used to be friends with one of my sister's friends, Faith. Oh and Spike used to have this whole tortured love-hate thingy with Buffy that you really couldn't call a relationship except in the completely dysfunctional sense, back when we used to live in Sunnydale." Dawn said, leaning forward over the table, head perched on steepled hands. Jake shock is head in awe.

"I still can't believe you used to live in Sunnydale. I mean it was all over the news when it collapsed because of 'severe seismic activity'" Jake quoted. 

"Yeah, it was pretty intense. And slightly annoying when pretty much all my stuff collapsed into the ground under a gigantic pile of dirt."

"And then you just travelled all over." 

"Well, we had some friends who had been staying with us who needed to be dropped off at home. But we did finally settle in Cleveland." Dawn pointed out with a wry grin.

"And then you came back to LA to attend good old UCLA." Jake smiled cupping his hands around Dawn's. "For which I am very thankful." A red blush crept up Dawn's cheeks. 

"Well it was all very well fighting the good fight in Cleveland," noticing Jake's questioning expression she amended, "you know, against disease and poverty and all that stuff but there just wasn't the same potential for celebrity spotting as I got for coming to UCLA." she finished with a sigh of relief as Jake laughed.

"But seriously, you've lived all over. That's so cool. The only place I've ever lived is right here in LA."

"Not that I'm complaining or anything but how come you didn't move away for college?" Jake stared at her the question disturbing him for some reason. He glanced away from her his face taking on a thoughtful expression.

"Never even considered it." Now Jake thought back over it, he really had never considered going anywhere else. Mulling it over he realised that he never even imagined himself living anywhere else, ever. Forcing a smile on his face for Dawn's benefit he turned to her. "Guess I just like the sun. And I'd hate to be away from my family."

"Well, that's because you have this nice, normal family." Dawn said, grinning.

"Oh no! You have not met my little sister." Jake argued his melancholy mood vanquished with Dawn's grin. "She's completely weird."

"There is no way you can beat me at a weird sister contest!" Dawn laughed as the rest of the dinner conversation descended into good natured arguing over the strangeness of their respective families.

Throwing an arm over Dawn's shoulder Jake slowly steered them back towards the campus wishing for the thousandth time that he owned a car. He hadn't realised how late it was, the colour of the surrounding trees hidden in dark shadow giving the familiar walk home a menacing quality. Walking in companionable silence it took Jake a moment to register the man stood in front of them on the path. Jake's breath hitched in his throat as, cliché that it was, moonlight glinted off the knife that the bulky man held in front of him. Unsuccessfully trying to shove Dawn behind him it finally registered to Jake that the man was talking.

"..and just hand over that watch too." the man threatened inching closer to the pair. 

"You're human?" came Dawn's incredulous response, shocking both the man and Jake. They both looked at her curiously taking in her vaguely bored expression.

"Um, yeah?" the man said with a quick glance at Jake who merely shrugged feeling as though he'd stepped into some sort of comedy sketch that hopefully wouldn't end with him bleeding all over the sidewalk. 

"Oh well, then that makes this so much easier." Dawn said in a happy tone that really didn't, in Jake's opinion, gel well with the situation. Before Jake could even mutter a suggestion in the negative Dawn had pretty much thrown herself at the man and in the same instant had found herself thrown to the floor in a pile. Jake would later blame his actions on the primitive human response of seeing his girlfriend thrown to the ground but at the time all that he knew was that before he could even think about it he'd stepped forward and punched the guy in the face with all his strength. 

It was the first time Jake had ever physically attacked another human being, always avoiding any fighting situations at school and even play fights with his little sister, but he'd watched enough television to know that the guy probably shouldn't have flown ten feet through the air to land in a heap, out cold.

Jake stared at his fist in morbid fascination before a groan from the heap of Dawn made him hurry to her side. "Forgot that human guys can be pretty strong." she muttered standing shakily, leaning on Jake for support. 

"What?" Jake asked, his gaze going involuntarily to the hand that had been a fist and was now clenched around Dawn's upper arm. He lightened his grip. Dawn's eyes widened as she realised what she had said.

"Nothing. Just practically unconscious girl babble." she explained unconvincingly. "How'd you knock him out?" she questioned noticing the man in the heap further down the path. Jake's gaze shot back to his hand.

"Erm, he was looking at you so I hit from behind." Dawn looked at him, the size of the attacker and his position ten feet from where he'd been not lost on her.

"Okay." she replied, staring at him as he glanced around guiltily. "Toss me your cell phone and I'll call the police." Jake reached into his pocket retrieving the phone and gently handing it to Dawn. He didn't dare literally toss it, who knew how far it might go.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Next chapter. It's getting there.

Nineteen. Chris looked proudly at the row of trophies lining the shelf, absent-mindedly wiping his hands on the rag he'd just used to polish them all to a gleaming finish. Chris was one of the few people who'd actually be happy to call themselves a jock. He liked the fact that every time he tried his hand at a new sport, he managed to succeed at said new sport. Smiling in satisfaction Chris lifted up the latest addition to his collection. A basketball trophy, proclaiming him UCLA's player of the season. Checking it for fingerprints he admired the tiny basketball playing man before carefully placing it back in it's prime spot on the shelf. 

Chris glanced at Jake's side of the room. Compared to Chris' clothes and paper strewn side Jake's half of the cramped space was unnaturally neat. His books were stacked neatly by his computer and his bed would have had hospital corners if Chris hadn't managed to talk him out of that by their sophomore year. No trophies adorned Jake's bookshelf. Just actual books and a framed picture of his family, that Chris picked up to admire deciding that Jake's little sister looked very cute in it. A thought which he would never mention to Jake, seen as how he liked his body parts where he could find them.

Chris smiled at the thought of Jake being violent. The boy couldn't even rip it up on the basketball court let alone beat the crap out of him in a fist fight. The thought of Jake actually forming a fist and using it to actually punch someone was so ludicrous to Chris that he almost laughed out loud. All this meant that when Jake walked through the door cradling his fist in his hand Chris' first thought was that he'd accidentally punched a wall.

"What the hell?" Chris' astonished voice froze Jake in his tracks. He looked up from his dazed contemplation of his sneakers to see his best friend stood in the middle of the room holding the photo of his family in one hand and a polish covered rag in the other.

"You're getting trophy polish on my picture." Jake observed stupidly. Chris looked down and irritably threw the frame onto Jake's bed whilst hurrying forward to stand in front of his friend. 

"Jake? You look like hell, what happened?" The concern in Chris' voice made Jake flinch guiltily. He'd been planning just to blow off his friend's queries till the morning.

"Me and Dawn were attacked. Some guy trying to mug us." Jake held up a hand at Chris' shocked indrawn breath. "We're fine don't worry about it. Dawn went a bit nuts and jumped the guy," Jake paused and was rewarded with an expectant silence rather than the sarcastic remark he'd expected. "He knocked her out for a minute and while he was looking at her I managed to knock him out."

"You hit him?" Chris' incredulous voice nearly made Jake laugh.

"Had to, right?"

"Well, yeah, sure. You okay about it?" Chris asked, shuffling awkwardly on his feet.

"Jeez, Chris. I'm a pacifist not a moron. I knew I had to hit the guy so I did. No big deal, right?" Chris was looking at him oddly and Jake realised that he probably sounded slightly crazy. He dropped heavily onto his bed and threw his head into his hands. "You knocked guys out before, haven't you?" Chris settled himself on his bed directly opposite Jake and nodded. "How far did you…I mean to say… How much…" Jake drew in a deep, shaky breath. "When you punched them how far did they move?" he rushed out.

"You mean other than downwards to the floor?" Jake nodded hesitantly. "Well I don't know. Maybe about a couple feet if that. Not too far. I'm not some Mr Muscle or anything." Chris watched Jake carefully noticing the way his skin paled considerably, presumably that wasn't the answer he'd wanted. "When you punched the guy did he go further than a couple of feet, Jake?" Jake's eyes flew to meet Chris' and he was taken aback by the fear in them. "Because if he did it was probably only adrenalin that made you punch him that hard. You said he pushed Dawn right? Well you were probably pissed then. You know defending your girl's honour and everything."

Jake stood unsteadily, his eyes fixed on Chris' trophy shelf. "Adrenalin, right." he sounded unconvinced. His hand reached over Chris' bed to pluck the latest trophy from the shelf where he observed it with uncharacteristic ferocity. "New trophy?" Chris nodded, slightly disturbed at his friend's behaviour and making a definite vow to never tell him how cute his little sister was. "Basketball. You know I've never played basketball." Chris nodded again. He did know and he'd always thought it weird if only because most American boys would have at least have played in gym class. "Could never do gym class. Had advanced algebra." Chris nodded once again beginning to feel like a marionette being explained things he already knew by a slightly insane puppeteer who didn't have any other skills other than being able to nod the puppet's head. "Lets go play basketball." Jake said decidedly, setting the trophy down heavily.

Chris' worry evaporated at the idea of being able to play basketball with his best friend. "Sure! Cool." he replied enthusiastically before catching sight of his troubled friend. "This isn't one of those 'brush with death now wish to live' experiences is it?" Chris' cajoling was rewarded with a brief smile and a shrug.

"Maybe. You want to play or not?" Chris stared at his friend as he stripped of his shirt in favour of a t-shirt.

"Okay." Chris murmured slowly lifting his jacket and following his friend out of the room for what promised to be an interesting game.

Jake was silent as they strode down to the basketball court, the only sound in the hallway the dull thud of rubber soled shoes on the floor. As they rounded a corner into the court Chris grabbed Jake by the shoulder spinning his roommate to face him. The predatory expression plastered on Jake's normally innocent face made Chris back off casting a wary look at his friend. Like an animal who'd successfully stopped a new threat Jake merely turned back to the court. "Wait! Jake man!" Chris dodged forward planting himself directly in front of Jake, ignoring every instinct in him that was screaming for him to just run. "What is up with you? I really think that you just need to lie down and maybe have some chicken soup." 

The animalistic sheen in Jake's eyes vanished for the moment. "Chicken soup?" he asked his eyebrow quirked quizzically.

"My mom always gives it to me when I'm ill." Chris shrugged helplessly.

"I'm not ill. I just want to play some basketball." Jake answered as he walked purposefully around Chris and over to the rack of balls the other side of the court.

"Right." Chris drew out the word, still unnerved by his friend's behaviour. He had half a mind to go and call Dawn, see if she could talk some sense into him. "Man, obviously you are seriously freaked out by something." enunciated Chris his hands spread out before him giving him the mad impression that he was talking down a potential suicide victim. "I don't know what…" The force of the basketball hitting his chest knocked the rest of the sentence away as Chris fell back heavily onto the highly polished floor. 

Dazedly looking up from his sprawled position on the court Chris saw Jake watching him, a mixture of anger and horror on his face.

It was like the ball had flown from his hands on a pre-set target to Chris' chest. Jake took in the crumpled form of his friend, remembering the similar position that his and Dawn's attacker had occupied. Something in the back of his mind was whispering something about going in to finish him off whilst he was incapacitated but another, larger and altogether saner sounding part of his brain was telling him to go and check that his friend was okay. Jake did neither of these things, ignoring everything that was rushing through his brain in a cacophony of sound and colour, just collapsing to the floor and burying his head in his hands.

"I'm some sort of freak." The words, though muffled by Jake's hands came out like an anguished plea. Chris shifted his position on the court, trying to make himself more comfortable and able to run like hell in one movement.

"I'm not exactly inclined to disagree with you." He'd meant it to sound like a joke, to lighten the mood in the already too dim basketball court but the words fell heavily, soundly desperately serious in the echoing room.

"He flew ten feet, Chris." Jake whispered making Chris strain to catch them, the words already softened by the hands still fiercely gripping his face.

"The attacker?" Chris asked, already knowing the answer. "Jeez man I already told you what I think about that. Adrenalin." He would have rolled his eyes if the situation hadn't seemed so dire. Then he realised Jake's face was still buried in is hands and so couldn't see him and rolled his eyes anyway.

"Then what about the basketball?" Chris' mind shot around for an explanation to this apparent non-sequitar when he realised that Jake meant the one that had been thrown at his chest and now sat serenely a few feet away.

Chris struggled to his feet and walked over to the offending object. He picked it up, running his fingers over it in his accustomed way. He ambled over to Jake, who still lay in what appeared to Chris to be the foetal position, looking altogether more vulnerable than he had ever seen the normally self-sufficient boy. "This ball." Jake's eyes shot upward to where Chris held the ball mere inches from his face. Chris could see the self-restraint acting in Jake that stopped him skidding backwards and away from the ball. "So you threw it hard, so what?" 

Jake continued to stare at the ball and him, his eyes wide and fearful. "It wasn't normal." He practically spat the words out.

"No," said Chris, shaking his head and bringing the ball to his chest where he cradled it. "tossing a basketball with intent of bodily harm against your best friend is not normal. The force you threw it with? Above average but not exactly record breaking, man. I've seen guys in games throw it harder than that just because they're pumped up with adrenalin. Adrenalin. It's all about the adrenalin." Chris sounded the last word taking in the change in Jake's composure as he spoke. 

He seemed to uncurl from himself, the lost look in his eyes being replaced with something that more resembled the Jake that Chris knew and well, liked a hell of a lot. As Chris finished enunciating the word adrenalin for the fourth time Jake stood up, seeming to rise from the floor with uncharacteristic grace as though the animalistic qualities that Chris had witnessed earlier had lent him some new, better bearing. 

"I guess you're right." he said smiling self-depreciatingly. "God, I'm cracking up." he added running a hand over his eyes. "Thanks, man." he held out a hand as he turned to his friend. Chris smiled and shifted the basketball to grasp Jake's hand.

"I really feel this is more of a hugging moment but I don't want to ruin our completely masculine image." Chris joked.

"Man, I think you did that last Halloween when you dressed in drag." Laughed Jake. His laughter faded as he glanced at the basketball nestled in Chris' arms. Chris followed his gaze.

"Ah no. Come on man just leave it! I thought we'd fully agreed on adrenalin as the culprit?" Jake's eyes didn't leave the ball, his mind seemingly miles away.

"Just let me try something." He dragged the ball away from a complaining Chris and turned to the wall. Plain white wall was mottled dark grey with shadow spread out before him. Jake stared at it, picking an exact point that he wanted the ball to hit. His rational mind was screaming that he, one of the most un-athletic boys in school could never hit that point but something else inside him told him that he could hit it. That he could do so much more if he just tried. So with a mighty heave that encompassed all of Jake's strength, he threw the ball. 

The sound of shattering plaster was deafening in the practically silent room, the force of it nearly sending Chris back to his position on the floor he'd only recently vacated. He stared in fascinated horror at the ident on the wall, bizarrely reminded of a chemistry book that thinking back shouldn't have left such a large dent on their cheap dorm room wall. Plaster dust rose around the pair as the basketball rolled to a serene stop by Jake's feet. Ridiculously Chris tried to think up an excuse to tell his coach explaining how a basketball shaped hole had appeared in the court wall at one in the morning. 

Jake turned slowly to stare at Chris, his eyes dead in an already too pale face. He opened his mouth to speak but the words seemed to become lost in the stifling silence of the room. He tried again, producing an inarticulate moan. Breathing jerkily he backed away from Chris, his feet stumbling over themselves in his haste, almost falling as he collapsed against the wall, inches from the dent that he himself had created. His mouth opened again and this time words, barely loud enough to pass through the newly enlarged space between the two best friends, were uttered. "That wasn't normal."


	6. Chapter 6

Stake. Stake. Stake. Ooh, holy water. Stake. Stake. Where the hell was that double edged axe? Buffy shoved her hair back in exasperation. At last weapons count she owned at least three axes. So of course just when she needed one she couldn't find any of them. It wasn't like a stake was going to work against a Golgothra demon, she really needed that axe. Buffy paused hefting up a heavy broadsword and examining it critically. It might work, she mused, if I put enough force behind it and angled it upwards and…

"Buffy!" Willow's yell shocked Buffy out of her reverie and she was instantly on her feet prepared to kick some ass if that was what was needed of her. "Phone." Oh. Buffy relaxed, crouching to put the sword back in it's rightful place amid the jumble of weaponry. She took the stairs to the simple house, that she shared with Willow and Xander, two at a time landing at the bottom to face her red-headed friend who was holding out the cordless phone with a grin on her face. "It's Dawn." Willow informed her cheerfully. Buffy's own face lit up with a grin as she took the phone, tucking it between shoulder and ear as she walked into the lounge to collapse on a over-stuffed sofa.

"Dawnie! Hey! How's it going?" Buffy exclaimed happily into the phone just excited to hear from her little sister. "Class okay?" 

Dawn breathed a sigh of relief, happy that her sister was choosing a safer topic to start. "Class is great. I even went to a couple last week."

"Dawn." Buffy reprimanded affectionately, noting the undertone of Dawn's voice that promised something less amusing to listen to. "What's up?" 

Dawn took a deep breath before launching into her perfectly pre-planned speech. "Well, I was walking home with my new boyfriend yesterday…" she started before Buffy interrupted with a scandalized;

"New boyfriend? Who is he? Why haven't I heard of him? Has he got a criminal record?" Buffy could practically hear Dawn's eye-roll.

"Buffy! You're totally ruining my pre-planned speech. He comes later! Anyway, we were walking home and we were attacked by this mugger…"

"Oh my God! Are you okay? Dawn you should have rang…"

"Buffy! Jeez, calm down! So, we were attacked and the guy was human so I tried to hit him and he kind of knocked me out," Dawn heard Buffy's quick indrawn breath and launched into the rest of the speech; "and when I came to Jake had knocked him out."

"And you're okay?" Dawn smiled to herself over her sister's worry whilst vehemently insisting she was fine. "And Jake's your new boyfriend?"

"Uh-huh." replied Dawn, chewing her bottom lip as she was reminded of the reason she'd called in the first place.

"Well, he sounds like a good kid. Can take care of himself and my sometimes mentally challenged little sister."

"Well, you see that's the problem." It was Buffy's turn to roll her eyes.

"What is it a Summers thing to look for the flaw in every guy?"

"No," disagreed Dawn, "it's a Summers thing to pick guys that may not be entirely human." Dawn practically heard Buffy's slayer senses replace her sisterly ones as she told her about Jake's amazing fist-fight.

"But you've seen him in sunlight?" Buffy asked as Dawn quickly answered in the affirmative. "That rules out a vampire then. Why don't you ask Angel to see if he can look into it?" Buffy asked, wondering why Dawn hadn't gone straight to them while at the same time happy that her sister still asked her the 'boy stuff'. Even if it was weird supernatural 'boy stuff'. 

"Good idea." replied Dawn. "Though I can't get there till tomorrow." she added remembering the history assignment she had to do.

"Okay, I'll call them for you and they can get started on researching or whatever." answered Buffy even while Dawn was weighing which was more important; her history assignment or her potentially evil boyfriend. "I need to ask them about this new demon anyway and their demon resources are way more up to date than ours. I swear Giles nearly had an aneurysm when he saw the amount of dusty old reference books he could get his hands on. Don't worry Dawnie we'll work out what's up. But maybe you should stay away from him…"

"No!" interjected Dawn hurriedly, the idea of not getting to see Jake bothering her more than she liked to admit particularly with the fact that he may actually be evil added to the relationship. "He's never actually hurt me and for all we know he might become suspicious if I start ignoring him." she reasoned. "And we still don't know if anything is actually up." she pointed out as an afterthought.

"Well, all right." Buffy conceded dubiously. "You just be careful, okay?"

"Of course." Dawn replied already wondering whether it would be safer to stay away from Jake or more dangerous to do the exact same thing.

Buffy put the phone down in front of her, her brow wrinkled in consternation. As she was continuing her detailed observation of the phone, Xander strolled through the lounge to plonk himself down directly in front of her. Hungrily munching his too full sandwich he watched Buffy curiously for a moment, waiting to see if she'd acknowledge his presence. "Hey Buff." he ventured. She didn't move from her contemplation of the phone, one hand cradling her chin. 

"Uh-huh." she responded absentmindedly.

"You want some of my sandwich?"

"Uh-huh." Xander didn't bother tearing her a piece off, she obviously had no idea what she'd just agreed to.

"You want go for a beer with the vamps who live in that crypt with the big snake on it?"

"Uh-huh." 

Xander stared at her, the word 'vamps' normally made her go so GI Jane it would take him ten minutes to convince her he was kidding. "Cool. I'll go get the beer and pork rinds and then you know what? I'll go pick up some drugs from that fried out hobo on the corner…"

"Dawn's dating an evil guy." Buffy's sudden speech froze Xander mid-sentence, slightly annoying him as he'd just been getting on a roll. "I mean we don't know that he's evil. But we're pretty sure he has super strength so who knows what that could mean? I mean…" Xander raised a hand to stop her babble.

"You mean Dawn's dating a guy who only **might** be evil?" Xander cocked his head at her. "Do I need to bring up the dating resumes of the Scooby Gang? Really, Buff, they practically read like a who's-who's of the demon underworld." Buffy smiled wryly, acknowledging the truth of that statement.

"It's just that ever since we got rid of the Hellmouth I was kind of hoping things could be, you know, normal. Instead I still get my little sister dating demons," she noticed Xander's look. "Okay, a **maybe **demon." 

"Buffy," Xander started not unkindly, "We may have changed the setting of all the weirdness and added a few more fighters against it but we still live in the same world, with the same weirdness and the same demon-y dates." He rested a hand on top of hers before standing; "I'm guessing you were about to ring Angel?" Buffy nodded tiredly. "Then you best get to it." Buffy picked up the phone, resting her thumb over the speed-dial number for Angel Investigations, and watched him go with an oddly proud smile on her face.

"Hello, Angel Investigations." Came Cordelia's cheerful voice over the phone. Buffy patiently waited for the rest of the spiel. "We help the helpless, how can we help you?"

"Hey Cordy!"

"Buffy!" Cordy actually sounded happy to hear from her something that made Buffy smile when she recalled the girl in high school. "What's wrong?" she asked worriedly eliciting a laugh from Buffy.

"Can't I just call to say hi?" 

"Uh-huh." replied Cordelia sprawled over a leather chair in the large employee lounge catching some of the sun's rays through the floor to ceiling windows, "and I'd be caught dead in last season's lipstick colours."

"Well there is this thing with a Golgothra demon…"

"Research?" interrupted Cordelia, glancing through one of the many doors to the room into Wesley's office. "I'll get Wes."

"No!" cried Buffy, "actually my most pressing concern is Dawn's new boyfriend."

Cordelia felt as though her stomach had just plummeted to her new three-hundred dollar shoes. "Why?" she asked, her voice much smaller than she liked. "What's happened?" She noticed Wes was looking at her oddly through the open door and she mouthed 'Connor'. He was instantly on his feet ready to run through the door and wrest the phone from her grasp and save her any pain. She quickly mouthed 'Buffy' to stop him doing any of these things and he relaxed slightly, though still stayed stood up.

"Have you met him?" Buffy asked sounding slightly put-out. Cordelia guessed that she'd only just learned about Dawn's new love interest. Cordy leaned forward over the polished mahogany tables, putting her forehead in her hand.

"Buffy, how much do you know about Angel's son, Connor?" Cordelia asked.

"So, Jake is Connor?" Buffy sounded sceptical even after everything Cordelia had told her. 

"If not, Darla had twins." Cordelia glanced up and saw Wesley gesturing frantically at her. She stood moving to the side slightly to get a better view.

"But what about…" Buffy started.

"Wait," interrupted Cordelia "I think Wes is trying to tell me something." Cordy cocked her head, analysing Wesley's action wherein he was hastily drawing his hand across his throat. "Decapitation?"

"Who's getting decapitated?" Buffy asked worriedly from the other end of the phone. "Does this have something to do with Jake or Connor or whatever the hell his name is?"

"No." said Cordelia, still watching Wesley who was becoming more persistent. "No, I don't think it has anything to do with Connor. I really don't know why he just doesn't walk over here."

"Cordy, what the hell is going on?" If there was one thing the slayer was not good at it, it was being out of the loop.

"I think he wants me to chop something up. Damn, Wes could you have picked a day that I wasn't wearing new open-toed sandals? Oh wait. He's doing something new. Sort of flapping his arms around. What the hell is that supposed to be? Something to do with a plane? Ooh, maybe I'm going somewhere!"

"Last time I checked planes didn't flap their wings."

"Oh. I guess it could be a bird. Maybe it's like that Hitchcock film and he's trying to warn me that a big flock of birds are on their way to peck my eyes out. Yup, it's a bird."

"Actually, I think it's supposed to be an angel." Cordelia span round at the voice, finding the imposing figure of her black-clad boss positioned directly behind her.

"Angel." she breathed, the phone dropping from suddenly nerveless hands.

"So how's my son doing?" he asked conversationally, only the tightness of his jaw and the way that his arms were crossed defensively in front of him illustrating just how angry he was.

"Angel." Cordelia started, reaching down to grab the phone. "I didn't know how…I could barely…" she stuttered out. She reached for the table for support, her entire body seeming to lilt towards it. Angel seemed to respond to that, his normally strong-willed friend looking as though she could barely support her own weight, and he strode forward, taking the phone off her, quickly telling Buffy he would call her back.

"Cordelia." he said softly, stepping towards her and raising her chin with his hand. All the anger seemed to have drained from his body giving him a frailty that those that didn't know him well would never have recognised. His words now were soft and filled with pain and hope. "How's my son doing?" 


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Okay only about three more chapters to go after this one, which I'm not that thrilled with. However I'm going away for a week (Belfast, yay!) so won't be able to get anything done in that time. Might try and get a chapter out tomorrow but I wouldn't bet on it as my chapters seem to be getting longer. Or maybe I'm just getting more reluctant to split them up. Ah well. Oh and the little example of the woman and the mountain lion that Chris used in here actually happened. 

The house looked normal. Typical suburban nirvana that had uniform rows of flowers lining up to welcome Jake home. He stared at the house for a while, breathing in the air that was slightly fresher away from the inner city. Jake just hoped that the new neighbours knew who he was, the last thing he needed was for the police to arrest him for loitering. He'd just about convinced himself that there was nothing particularly odd about his childhood home when the door to the house opened and his teenaged little sister barrelled through in a whirlwind of curled hair and lip gloss. 

She froze on the porch apparently noticing Jake. She looked shocked for a second before her face split into a wide grin. "Jake!" she yelled and bounded down the steps to wrap her brother in an affectionate hug.

"Hey Jessica." said Jake, returning the embrace. "Mom and Dad around?" he asked, pulling back to admire her.

"Sure they're inside. I was just checking my car was locked." she said, gesturing to the Honda on the curb. He turned to glance at the car, feeling the familiar flicker of jealousy. Jessica smiled when she saw his expression. "Hey you got the ski vacation, I got the car." A smile graced his features for the first time.

"Yeah, yeah." he agreed grudgingly.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Jessica asked after checking the car, steering her brother by linked arm into the house. He shrugged in reply. "And how come you've not brought by that new girlfriend of yours? What was her name?" 

"Dawn. And coming down here was kind of last minute." She stopped him just before they entered the house. 

"Jake, you live maybe an hour away. I'm sure she wouldn't have minded." she watched him for a reaction, when none was forthcoming she ventured a guess; "Did you guys have a fight or something?" 

Jake moved forward and pushed the door open for her, holding it back so he could turn and look into her concerned expression. "Just leave it, Jess, okay? Let's just go eat." She seemed reluctant to let it go but just then she heard her mother cry Jake's name and he moved into the house leaving her to grab the door.

"Fine." she muttered following him inside where her mother was already telling Jake he didn't come home enough.

Dinner had been the usual affair at the McAvery house. His mother had reprimanded him about the amount of food he ate, vehemently declaring he was 'nothing but skin and bone' whilst his father made bad jokes and Jessica kept trying to insinuate things about his new relationship. So why did he feel so disjointed? Jake sighed in annoyance, cradling his coffee as he leaned over the railing at the back of the house, admiring the perfectly manicured lawn. He might as well admit it. He'd been hoping that seeing his childhood home and his, how had Dawn put it? Ah, yes. His nice, normal family might make him feel normal again. Just the thought of Dawn made Jake cringe guiltily. He'd been avoiding her all week. It was strange he'd spent three years at UCLA and never seen her around and now that he didn't want to see her, he kept seeing her brunette head bobbing through crowds towards him. Chris wasn't to happy either. He'd declared that it was one thing keeping his amazing strength a secret when he knew that the coach would jump on Jake for the wrestling team but lying to his roommate's girlfriend? That wasn't in his repertoire. 

Jake ran a hand through unruly hair and sighed deeply. Maybe he was going insane. Maybe he wasn't even seeing Dawn around. He was sure that there were lots of brunettes at UCLA. "Jake?" His mother's voice floated through the open patio door and Jake pulled himself back from the rail and his maudlin mood to walk inside.

"Yeah, mom?" he asked, groaning when he noticed she had out the old family albums. He opened his mouth to complain when he realised that looking at himself as an ordinary child might just be the way to convince himself he was just 'ordinary'. He dropped down next to her and noticed that his parents were shooting him furtive looks and Jessica was staring at him in unconcealed surprise. "Something wrong?" he asked.

"You're not complaining." Jessica said, wide-eyed shock. "Hell, that was the only reason we got them out!" His father grinned sitting on the couch next to his daughter.

"Maybe I'm just feeling sentimental." Jake shot at her. Jessica responded in the utterly mature manner of sticking her tongue out at him. His mother smiled and draped an arm over her son's shoulders before opening the album at the first page.

Jake found himself staring at myriad of smiling baby faces, all undoubtedly him, from the shaggy brown hair to the bright blue eyes. "You were so cute." his mother cooed, affectionately smiling at a picture of a young Jake standing proudly atop a slide.

"And normal." muttered Jake, it coming out more as a question. 

"Yep, completely normal. I remember praying as you were being born that I'd get a little boy who had ten fingers and ten toes and was perfectly healthy. And you were. And still are." His father beamed, proudly. Jessica snorted and looked slightly surprised when Jake didn't respond with a sarcastic comment back.

Jake was to busy staring at the picture searching through his memory for anything that would explain the strange strength he'd experienced with the mugger. Nothing came to mind. Just like he'd told Dawn, he'd had a perfectly normal childhood with perfectly normal parents, a practically perfectly normal sister and him. A perfectly normal little boy. Except of course he'd never played sports. Or fought at all. Or ever even thrown a basketball at a solid wall. 

"Why did I never play sport?" Jake's impulsive question interrupted his mother's story on the time Jake had ran around naked covered in paint. Jake wasn't particularly perturbed at having interrupted that. Both his parents looked shocked at the question; sharing a quick glance between them. Jessica simply looked bored, hefting one of the albums onto her lap and absent-mindedly flicking through it.

"Well, honey…" his mother started, carefully choosing her words. "You were just never interested." Jake looked at her, the truth settling on him. He never had been interested. Just like he never even considered other colleges. Contemplating it Jake realised that never wanting to try sport was not exactly normal behaviour. "You always loved your books and your computer games." His father leaned over to him, grasping his arm.

"We were always kind of worried that you would resent us one day for not making you play sport." Jake looked at him, upset at the implication.

"God, dad no!" He gripped his father's hand. "I don't resent you for it. I was just thinking about it that's all." His father's face relaxed into a smile.

"Good." he said as Jake's mother re-began her talk on Jake's naked paint adventure.

*

Tiredly pushing open the door to his dorm room Jake was met by a pile of Internet print-outs and record breaking books. Sat amongst this wreckage was Chris, his gangly body folded into a position Jake severely doubted he could move from and his dark haired head bent industriously over a heavy, brightly coloured book. He glanced up when he heard the door, a grin lighting up his worry-lined face.

"Guess what?" he started exuberantly. 

"What?" Jake asked tiredly pulling off a sneaker as he collapsed on his bed, making a space for himself amid the piles of paper.

"There was this woman who managed to fight off a mountain lion for like hours so her kids could survive! I mean that's way more strength than you showed."

"So we're back to the adrenalin thing?" Chris shrugged, disappointed in his friend's lack of enthusiasm.

"I'm doing this for you, man." He looked up at Jake, and for the first time, he noticed the dark circles under his roommate's eyes, perfectly mirroring his own. "Where have you been anyway? Did you go see Dawn? Because she called again."

"I went to see my parents." Chris waited, when no more information was forthcoming he ploughed ahead.

"And?" Jake stood and started to stride from one end of the small room to the other, stepping on the mounds of paper with one sock-covered and one sneaker-covered foot.

"Nothing! I was a completely normal child," he paused to turn and point a finger at Chris. "apart from the fact I never played sport. And this whole thing with paint and nakedness." Jake waved a hand to dismiss this as Chris opened his mouth to query it and realised it probably wasn't the best time. "God, I don't know. Maybe it was just a fluke. In fact, it probably was." Chris knew that there was no way Jake believed this but he was saved from challenging him by a knock on the door.

After a few seconds Chris gathered that Jake had never even heard the door and pulled himself up off the floor, cursing at the cramp in his leg as he hobbled to the entrance. Yanking it open Chris found Dawn stood there, chewing her bottom lip anxiously, mid-knock. Chris turned to look at Jake, who was staring at Dawn with a horrified expression.

"Hey Chris." Dawn said, peering around him she added; "Hey Jake."

"Hey Dawn." said Chris. "I'll grab my jacket and leave you two alone." Chris could practically hear Jake screaming 'no' in his head.

"No," said Dawn, stilling Chris. "I was hoping we could go for a walk?" she asked, looking at Jake. Both Dawn and Chris saw the host of emotions passing over Jake's face before he started to gather himself together and headed for the door.

"Erm, man?" Chris said as Jake passed him. "You might want to get your other shoe." Jake looked down stupidly before replying.

"Right. Shoe." Chris turned and shrugged at Dawn as Jake wrenched his sneaker back on and walked Dawn out.

*

Dawn was beginning to regret having dragged him out. She'd been trying to catch his attention all week even though Buffy's advice kept ringing in her head. Everyone at Angel Investigations had been ridiculously cagey and she'd just wanted to talk to her boyfriend. If he even was her boyfriend anymore. The night air was surprisingly chilly and Dawn couldn't help but think that she maybe should have dragged her possibly evil boyfriend out in the middle of the day. She snuck a glance at the possibly evil boy as they walked along. 

His hands were stuck deep in his pockets and his hair was delightfully mussed up. If anything he looked more like a lost little boy than a creature of pure evil. Then again, appearances didn't always count. Look at her. A second glance told her that there was no way he was going to initiate conversation so Dawn took a deep breath and spoke bluntly. "You've been avoiding me." Dawn wasn't sure whether it was the words or just the fact someone had finally spoken that shocked Jake so badly, but he jumped, his eyes round and wide.

"I've not been avoiding you." He was a terrible liar.

"You're a terrible liar." Jake's mouth quirked upwards. "Was that a smile? Yay me."

"I have been avoiding you." Jake admitted, stopping and shuffling his feet on the ground, his hand still deeply jammed in pockets.

"I think we established that." Dawn said, also stopping to face him. "The question we need to discuss is; why?"

"It's just that…" his eyes wouldn't meet her face.

"Is it something to do with the mugger?" Dawn ventured. She saw his flinch and took another deep breath. "And the way he must have flown ten feet all supernatural like?" His eyes shot up, shocked and confused to latch onto her concerned blue ones.

"How did you…" he seemed unable to finish a sentence. Just pulled his hands from his pockets and started to gesticulate wildly. Dawn smiled. His shock was real, that she was sure of, so even if there was something supernatural going on he obviously had no clue what was happening.

"Is that why you've been avoiding me?" she asked.

Jake nodded, wrapping his arms around himself. "I thought you'd think I was a freak." Dawn flinched at the word, one that had been directed at her and family and friends many times.

"God, no." Dawn said, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around him, regardless of how he was hugging himself. Jake untangled his arms and let them rest around her, breathing a sigh of relief. Dawn smiled over his shoulder until she caught sight of something that actually **was** evil heading towards them. "Oh, no." she murmured. Jake pulled back, worry again written on his face. Seeing Dawn's fearful gaze he turned around. And found himself facing a man with questionable hygiene and some sort of physical deformity.

"What do I have a big sign on my back saying; 'attack me?'" he asked, rhetorically.

"Tell me about it." muttered Dawn. "Okay, Jake, as we don't entirely understand your strength thing maybe you should stay behind me." Jake glanced at her, still surprised at her acceptance of his strength. And then the rest of her words hit him.

"Are you insane? Last time I let you attack a guy you got knocked out." 

"Yeah, well. Last time I was unarmed." Jake watched as she reached into her bag expecting her to pull out pepper spray or something similar. He was disconcerted to say the least when what she actually withdrew was a short wooden stick which she then brandished like she was wielding an Uzi.

"What are you going to do with that? Splinter him to death?" Jake cried sounding a little too hysterical for his own liking.

"Stay there." And once again before he could say anything, Dawn had thrown herself at their attacker. Jake had just steeled himself to jump into the fray of high kicks and suspiciously pointy teeth when with a yelp from Dawn a cloud of ash occupied the space that their attacker had moments before been standing in. 

Jake stared in shock as the cloud dissipated leaving a smug Dawn who still carried the small wooden stick, though Jake now had an inkling that it might be a registered weapon in his girlfriend's hands. If there was one good thing about all this, Jake was at least feeling like he was the normal one in the group, super strength or not.

Dawn looked up from her quick survey of the vampire's remains to find Jake staring at her with a really confused expression. Least he didn't looked horrified. She gestured to the pavement where ash was settling and said; "Guess you want an explanation?"

Jake just nodded dumbly.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Hey, sorry for the delay. I'm hoping I still have readers! If it's any consolation I had a great time on holiday and am now completely broke from all the shopping and so have no money to do anything but write. This should be finished very soon, probably in a couple of days.

Jake stared at Dawn, a shocked expression etched onto his face. He opened his mouth to speak, a strangled sound issuing forth rather than any comprehensible words. He seemed to give up on speaking and just went back to staring at her. After a few minutes of this and with no change forthcoming Dawn began to get a bit fidgety. "You want some coffee or something?" she asked hopefully, gesturing at the kettle occupying a shelf in her dorm room. Jake didn't acknowledge her, he just kept staring, his mouth slightly open giving him a permanently ridiculous expression. "Jake?" Dawn asked tentatively, before flicking the switch on the kettle. 

Jake tracked Dawn across the room, his frenzied mind trying to sort out the jumble of emotions that were dashing through his mind. He decided to try speech again. "Vam-vampires?" he managed to stutter out. Dawn shrugged matter-of-factly.

"Yup. And you know a ton of other creepy supernatural things like demons and witches," Dawn said, "though they can be good." she hastened to add.

"And your sister fights them?" Jake asked, sounding as though he was categorically going through everything she was telling him and placing into it's own colour-coded file in his mind. Dawn suspected it was all going under red for 'weird'.

"Yeah. And I've technically only been alive for two years. Before that I was just this big pile of mystical mumble-jumble." Jake dropped his head into his hands with a groan as she said this. Dawn winced. "Sorry. Maybe I should have saved some of the revelations for another time." she said, apologetically.

"You think?" Jake retorted sarcastically, raising his head to look at her critically. He seemed to lose some of his anger, just flopping back on to the bed. "Kinda explains some things." he said, fixedly examining the ceiling. 

"You mean like the weird things that always seemed to happen now have a reason? Because everyone always says that." Dawn said, pouring herself a cup of tea, a habit she'd long ago acquired from Giles.

"Nah, now I just have a reason for all the weird things that always happened with you."

"Oh." muttered Dawn, wrinkling her nose whilst she decided whether or not she should be insulted.

"What about me though?" Jake asked from his spread-eagled position on the bed, sounding so like a lost little boy that it nearly broke Dawn's heart.

Dawn sighed deeply. "I wish I knew." Depositing her teacup on the shelf she moved to lie next to him, positioning herself in the crook of his arm. Dawn tensed as she felt him move, worried about his reaction now that he knew what she was, but she relaxed almost instantly as his arm moved round to grasp her gently. "I guess it could be a spell. Or you know," she said happily, "it could just have been adrenalin." 

Jake made a sound that was half-way between a groan and a laugh, dropping a kiss on the top of Dawn's head. "That's what Chris says."

"Well, it could be." Dawn answered defensively. 

"God, I wish." Dawn didn't reply and after a few minutes Jake found that he could hear her steady breathing, indicating she'd fallen asleep. Jake smiled and smoothed her hair down, realising, even as he slipped off, that his arm was going to be completely numb in the morning.

*

The first thing Dawn was aware of as she slowly emerged from the depths of sleep was a loud banging on the door. The second thing she was aware of as she finally woke up was that she being crushed by the boy-shaped pile resting on her like a lot of dead weight. "Jake." she murmured, her voice scratchy as she ineffectually tried to move him.

"Dawn?" the worried voice floated through the door causing Dawn to close her eyes to embarrassment. Angel. The guy who was like a very over-protective big brother was going to find a boy in her dorm room. Dawn felt like letting the earth swallow her. Or even better, just let the Hellmouth swallow her. 

"Angel, hang on a minute!" Dawn yelled. This also resulted in Jake waking up as his ear was dangerously close to her mouth.

"Huh?" Jake muttered looking round groggily as he rolled off Dawn. She took the opportunity and leapt off the bed to yank the door open.

Angel stood in the doorway, looking his usual imposing self.

"Navy-blue?" Dawn asked stupidly in greeting. Angel glanced down at his shirt and shrugged bashfully.

"Cordy decided I needed colour in my wardrobe." Dawn raised an eyebrow. "This was as far as I was going." A discreet cough caused Angel to peer around Dawn.

Angel's face drained of colour as he glimpsed Jake perched on the bed, rubbing his arm with a pained expression. "Connor." he whispered, the name appearing of it's own volition. Jake's head shot up as though he'd heard something but Dawn apparently didn't hear anything.

"Is there something you needed Angel?" Dawn asked, fixing him with her most charming smile. It wasn't necessary as Angel's attention was nowhere near her.

With what appeared to be a great deal of effort, Angel tore his eyes away from the young man and pinned them on Dawn. "I just came by to make sure you were okay and you are so bye." The long sentence was finished with a flourish as Angel turned and fled down the corridor before Dawn could even say 'goodbye'.

Dawn turned back into the room, closing the door behind her. She looked at Jake who was looking back at her quizzically. "He's normally more polite than that. Maybe he had some bad blood."

"Blood?" Jake choked out.

"Oh yeah," Dawn said dismissively, still mulling over his strange behaviour. "He's a vampire but he has a soul so it's all good."

Jake resisted the urge to close his eyes and lull himself back to sleep. Instead he focused on the strangest part of the whole thing. "He knew me, Dawn." 

Dawn glanced at him. "How'd you figure that?" Jake glanced at her knowingly.

"You saw how weird he went when he saw me." he explained.

"Maybe it was just seeing little Dawn with a boy in her room."

"I don't think so." seeing Dawn's slightly scandalised expression he added, with a teasing smile. "I'm sure he's used to that."

"Hey!" laughed Dawn, throwing a cushion at him. Jake laughed, a sound Dawn was seriously happy to hear and cocked his head to look at her.

"How would Angel know me?" he asked, suddenly serious again. Dawn shrugged.

"He wouldn't." Jake stood up and began to pace the room. His agitation made Dawn think of a caged animal, aching for escape.

"You said he worked for that giant law firm."

"Owns the giant, possibly evil, law firm." Dawn corrected. Jake glossed over the 'possibly evil' dimension.

"So they have files on people." Dawn stood to face him, halting him mid-stride.

"Jake." she started warningly. "What are you thinking?" He smiled at her, a wicked smile that once more made Dawn think of a predator and sent an involuntary shiver down her spine.

"I'm thinking I have a plan."


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Phew. For me this is a long chapter. But it is the penultimate one and it is chock full of exposition because I didn't want things to go unexplained. It's also probably my favourite. 

Angel glanced up from the books that were piled precariously on his desk as

Cordelia bustled in to his spacious office. She handed him a mug accompanied by an overly bright smile as she then proceeded to tidy his desk in a decidedly un-Cordelia like manner.

He watched her cautiously for a moment before eyeing the contents of his mug. Bright red pig's blood, steaming hot, stared invitingly up at him. He was still watching Cordelia, her bright outfit a piercing contrast to the dully decorated room, as he took a sip. The sharp tang of the cinnamon greeted him instantly. Angel first grimaced and then smiled. At least he knew what Cordy was doing now.

"You're trying to cheer me up." Angel accused, smiling self-satisfactorily at Cordelia.

She stopped flitting around the room to fix him with a wide-eyed, too innocent expression. "Why do you say that?" innocence permeated every word. "Can't a friend just bring you something to drink?"

"Cinnamon." declared Angel, waving his hand at the mug in front of him.

"So? Can't a friend bring a little variation into that liquids-only diet of yours?" She was still valiantly trying to sound completely guiltless and Angel just didn't have the heart to tell her that she wasn't that good an actress.

"Cordelia." Angel said, smiling patronisingly at her. Her innocent masquerade vanished instantly as she flopped into the leather chair opposite the wide mahogany desk.

"Fine." she said, "But I wasn't **just **trying to cheer you up." Cordelia explained wagging her hand at him, "I was also trying to butter you up."

"What for?" Angel asked warily. His arms crossed in front of him defensively. Cordelia decided that it was very hostile body language. Or, she thought, maybe he was just trying to protect his wallet from her, these meetings did normally end in her needing a few hundred for some new shoes.

"I want to ask you some questions that you might not want to answer." Cordelia was fidgeting, something she rarely did and a sure sign that these were questions that he definitely didn't want to answer. Cordelia took a deep breath. "About Connor." Angel's flinch was visible even across the wide desk. She sucked in another deep breath. "Okay, about Jake." He flinched even more noticeably. Cordy let all her deep breathes out in a sigh of exasperation. "Fine, about 'the boy'." she said making quote marks in the air with her hands. Angel just glared at her.

"You want to talk about that?" Angel asked in the tender tone primarily reserved for Cordelia.

"Mainly just about how he still has all his strength and everything." Angel leaned his head forward onto steepled hands.

"We don't know he has 'everything'." Angel answered, avoiding the brunt of the question. A fact that did not go unnoticed by Cordelia.

"Angel." her voice held a distinct warning tone.

"It was reality." Angel sighed as Cordelia merely looked confused. "They could change memories but reality is a hell of a lot harder." Comprehension dawned on Cordelia's face.

"That's why he's not a baby, right? All that time in Qour-toth still applies."

Angel nodded in agreement. "Also," he added with another sigh. "Wolfram and Hart probably thought it would be fun to leave it open for him finding out he's not exactly normal." Angel offered a wry grin. "Which is exactly what happened. I mean that's why they left the med…"

A commotion outside the office cut Angel off mid-sentence as the heavy oak doors were thrown open to reveal a grim looking Wesley. His accent was thick with worry as he surveyed Angel and Cordelia.

"I think there's something you both should see."

*

"This is your great plan?" said Dawn as she stood outside the heavy metal door, leading into the imposing law offices. 

"Yup." Jake answered, resolutely ignoring her impatiently tapping foot as he fiddled with the lock.

"So, what? We're just going to wander inside a heavily-guarded law office and search through the hundred of files that are most likely there?" Dawn's voice held an edge of desperation to it.

"Yup." Jake responded just as the door made a satisfied click and opened inwards to reveal a dank looking passage. "I thought we'd been over this all before?" 

In fact, it had taken him an hour to persuade her that Angel really did know him and that there might be some files on him. It had taken him another hour to dissuade her from asking one of her friends direct about him. Jake didn't know why but he knew that the look on Angel's face when he'd seen him didn't exactly encourage questioning. After that it had taken him yet another hour to convince her that it wasn't breaking and entering as Angel had long ago provided Dawn with an emergency key.

"But it's not an emergency!" she'd whined. Jake had just glared at her.

"My freakish unknown supernatural status isn't an 'emergency' to you?" he'd responded, irritated. 

She'd finally conceded but only with the added incentive that she could read her own file too. However much Dawn tried to avoid it she was always slightly curious about her status as the Key.

Dawn stared nervously down the corridor. "What if we get lost?" 

"We won't." Jake answered confidently. Dawn glanced at him. His face was set in lines of determination, he was barely recognisable as the boy who had obviously been terrified about talking to her that night at the bar.

As Jake set of down the corridor Dawn tried to shrug off the feelings of misgiving that were lying heavily on her and followed, her footsteps echoing ominously as the rectangular patch of light became dimmer. 

She was scared. She knew it was stupid, this was her friends' place of work and she knew they would be angry, but she didn't really have any reason to be scared. And she wasn't even scared of Jake. Dawn fretted as they walked along, trying to dispel the fear that was growing inside her. Because try as she might she couldn't find a reason for it. 

But as they stopped in front of the door marked with stencilled letters spelling out 'Files and Records' Dawn realised that what she was scared of was the truth.

*

Cordelia stared in horror at the picture filling all the security screens. "Connor." she whispered, her hand straying to Angel's arm for support.

"And Dawn." Wesley added grimly, not taking his eyes off the two figures entering the Files and Records room.

"What the hell are they doing?" To both Wesley and Cordelia it almost sounded as though Angel wasn't thinking about the whole situation. He just sounded like an angry father.

The two figures stopped in front of the secretary in charge of the filing and the sudden realisation hit Angel like a ton of bricks. Or a very pointy stake. He span quickly, seeing the same knowledge on Wesley and Cordy's faces.

"They're trying to find out about Connor." Wesley said unnecessarily as Angel was already half out of the door, with Cordelia close behind.

*

Jake stood warily in front of the smartly dressed woman. "Um, hi." he said, unsure of himself. The figure just smiled blandly back at him. "I'm looking for some information."

"Obviously." muttered Dawn, behind him, sarcastically. The figure didn't show any indication that his statement was inane. She merely sat forward and kept on smiling.

"What sort of information can I help you with?" She didn't seem to blink enough. "Abbreviated demon forms, the Abrack demon hordes of Mongolia, accounting, colonial demon killings, company discount cards, our Cyclops dating service, Dastrentia demons, our Delaware branch, demons in general, dolphin therapy for the possessed, earthen home ware for the modern wicc…"

"Stop!" yelled Jake, raising his hands to stop the alphabetical listings before it got to zoological demon studies. "I guess, could you look for," he looked at Dawn for inspiration who just shrugged apologetically, "erm," he continued, chewing his lower lip in aggravation, "I guess, could you look for Jake McAvery?" 

The woman stilled and suddenly rows of numbers and words were whizzing past her eyes. Jake stumbled back in shock, only Dawn's hand shooting out to grab his arm stopping him from falling over completely.

The woman, 'thing', Jake corrected mentally, stopped whirring and looked at Jake with normal eyes. "Sorry," she said smiling the same bland smile. "no listing has been found for a McAvery Jake."

Jake ran a hand through his hair in annoyance. Dawn tugged on his arm, and he turned to look at her.

"Maybe we should go." she looked terrified, and Jake felt a sudden twinge of guilt. "We could just ask Angel…"

"Angel." said Jake, a memory hitting him. "Connor." he continued decisively, leaning over the desk to look at the woman. "Look up all files with Connor in them."

The woman did as requested, the rows flashing through her eyes. Dawn was looking at him questioningly.

"I'm sure that was the name he whispered when he saw me." Jake answered the unspoken question. Dawn looked sceptical.

"I didn't hear him say anything."

"Maybe I just have better hearing than you." Jake said distractedly as the woman's eyes stopped flashing. 

"One hundred and fifteen files found that include the name Connor. Do you wish to hear all listings?"

"Yes." said Jake, ignoring Dawn's sigh of exasperation. The woman never stopped smiling.

"Adrelda, Connor, Afresinca, Connor Martin, Angel, Connor, Angle, David Connor, Ameritic…"

"Wait." interrupted Dawn, her eyes shining. "One of those sounds familiar." Dawn searched her memory for how she'd heard the name. Overheard conversations came floating back to her. "Can we please have the file for Connor Angel?"

*

"Why the hell are we not taking the lift?" demanded Angel as he raced down the umpteenth flight of stairs, his feet barely touching the steps. He heard Cordelia utter another curse as she once again twisted her ankle in her platform sandals as Wesley responded.

"The lift? We were just following you!" Angel stopped abruptly causing Wesley to careen wildly into him. Even with Angel's vampire senses he fell the last few feet, grunting heavily as Wesley landed on top of him. Cordelia stood looking over them. Hands on hips and a frown on her face.

"What are you two doing on the floor?" she angrily questioned.

"The lift!" Angel yelled, extracting himself from the heap on the floor. Cordelia raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow.

"You can only get to Files and Records via the stairs, remember?" Wesley looked appropriately abashed whilst Angel swore and started running again. "Why are we such a rush anyway? It's not like he'll be able to find anything." Cordelia continued.

Angel paused for a second to look up a her. "But if he does find something we're screwed."

"True." agreed Wesley. "But it's not like he could get his memories back or anything." A tense silence from Angel greeted this statement. "Is it?"

Angel's face, if possible, grew even more grave. "It's like reality," he said, glancing at Cordelia. "they can't just erase an entire lifetime's worth of memories. They had to put it somewhere." 

Cordelia was looking slightly sick. "Where did they put them?" she asked, her voice quavering.

"A medallion." As the implication of this hit both Wesley and Cordelia they set off down the stairs at top speed, practically keeping up with Angel.

*

Dawn's eyes were wide as she read the file over Jake's shoulder. She was experiencing a strange case of déjà vu. The only difference was that this time she wasn't the one discovering that she wasn't entirely a normal human being. "Jake?" she whispered comfortingly, as she laid a hand on his shoulder. 

"What the hell?" he said, his breath coming in shaky spurts. The writing, the written evidence of this 'Connor Angel' he could ignore. After all, he was never actually mentioned by name. But the pictures.

Jake picked one of them up where it had fallen on the floor. It was a picture of that girl Cordelia, cradling him as a baby. Though according to the file she'd done more than just cradle him when he'd got back from that hell dimension. 

Hell dimension. Jake croaked out a strangled laugh. "A Hell dimension." he babbled. "I grew up in a Hell dimension. Me?" he could feel Dawn's concerned eyes on him and he suddenly wished she wasn't there, that she wasn't seeing him this weak. "Me? Who thought he'd grown up in a perfect little suburban house." 

He gripped another of the pictures, an eight by ten black and white image of him that looked as though it had been taken by a mall security camera. It also looked exactly how he'd looked in his Graduation photo. That hair that his mother had bugged him to get cut for weeks. He remembered laughing as he ran from her in the house as she'd brandished a pair of scissors at him. No, he told himself, apparently that had never happened. Apparently his mother was dead. Or more appropriately his mother had been un-dead and was now a pile of ash.

He could feel the tears on the verge of falling and held them off by sheer force of will, with the worry that if he started crying he might never stop. A new gasp of surprise from Dawn made him turn towards her. She was holding a bag that looked like it contained some sort of pendant and was staring transfixed at the note attached to it.

She suddenly seemed to notice Jake's attention on her and hurriedly tried to hide the bag. "Jake, no." she began as without a word he leaned over and wrenched it from her grasp. "Jake please, no." implored Dawn, sounding as though she was on the verge of tears herself.

Jake read the note, feeling as though his entire life was spiralling out of control with every passing word. The truth was that the descent had begun the moment he'd punched that mugger, an event that felt like a lifetime ago. Who knew which lifetime. Jake finished reading the note and swallowed heavily, trying to dislodge the knot of fear that had settled in his throat, his stomach, his heart and every other area of his body. He raised the pendant to admire it in the light, whispering up at it so quietly that Dawn had to strain to hear. "My memories."

*

Angel threw himself through the doors leading to the Files and Records room, angrily striding up to the secretary. "Where is he?" he ground out furiously. She merely stared up at him, bland smile securely in place.

"Who is he? If you wish to request for information please do so. I am, after all, File and Records." Angel was considering how useful reeling off and punching the woman might be when Wesley's hand tugging his sleeve drew his attention to Cordelia.

She had wandered away from the desk and was standing staring down one of the aisles of filing cabinets, a stricken look on her face. Angel and Wesley strode over to her, coming to an abrupt halt as they saw what she was looking at. 

*

"Jake?" Dawn's voice was filled with worry as she looked at the three people stood at the end of the row. Jake's eyes followed hers. He stared at Wesley, remembering what the file had said about his involvement in his childhood. And he stared at Cordelia, remembering everything it said about her. And he stared at Angel. Involuntarily, Jake's mind flicked through images of the man he had always considered his father. Showing him the North Star. Teaching him how to light a fire. Explaining how to properly bait a line. Jake's eyes returned to the medallion resting in his hand.

"Connor, no." Angel's voice was commanding. But he'd used the wrong name. His name was Jake. And it was Jake who was staring at the pendant, not Connor. He didn't know who Connor was.

The sound of shattering metal was deafening in the cavernous room of Files and Records.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Okay this was going to be the end but I discovered that the final scene I had planned would actually work better as an epilogue so that's probably going to be up tomorrow. Also I know I could have written more concerning certain characters and even certain plot points but this is how I envisioned the story and it is primarily a Connor and Dawn story. Anyway, read and hopefully enjoy and I swear that there really is only one bit left. Damn, and it was a nice round number. 

At the age of seven Jake realised that memory was a fickle thing. 

At the age of seven Connor realised that he could kill a beast with his bare hands.

At the age of thirteen Jake got lost in the woods on vacation.

At the age of thirteen Connor got lost whilst tracking a demon though the marshes.

At the age of eighteen Jake finished high school.

At the age of eighteen Connor finished wiring himself to a incendiary device.

At the age of twenty-one Connor felt a million memories contradict his own.

At the age of twenty-one Jake could do nothing but scream.

The flash of bright light emanating from the medallion froze everyone in place for a second. As it cleared to reveal shards of metal, dotted with blood, littering the floor, Dawn felt her heart breaking as clearly as the pendant that had rested in Jake's hands.

He was leaning against the filing cabinets, his arms wrapped around his stomach, bent over as though he was in pain. His tortured gasps the only sounds in the still room. Dawn rose slowly from the floor, her face filled with worry and perhaps a touch of fear. "Jake?" she asked quietly, tears running down her face.

Jake, no Connor, or Steven. God! The names ran through his mind like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that couldn't find anywhere to fit. He thought of Jessica and then of Fred. And he couldn't work out which one he knew. He thought of Angel and Holtz and Michael. And he wasn't sure who took him fishing. He thought of Dawn and Cordelia. And he didn't know who he loved. He thought of Chris and Gunn. And he wondered if he wanted one of them dead.

He heard Dawn and wasn't sure if Jake heard or Connor heard or if there were a thousand different people in his mind that wanted to answer and kill her all in the same degree.

He raised his eyes to stare at the people around him and he didn't know who was in control of his body. Was it Jake who would use it's mind to write perfect essays? Or was it Connor who would use his legs to leap great distances? The tormented eyes of the boy, though he supposed all of the people who were him were men now, swept over the anguished faces of the other inhabitants of the room. 

He stopped on Angel, knowing him and hating him and loving him and barely knowing his name. He rested his eyes on Dawn and Cordelia and felt his heart along with the rest of him try to split in two. He saw Wesley and felt anger and joy for what he had done and indifference as he had never even seen him before.

"I know you." His voice was no longer his. But whose 'his' he was unsure. It lacked the inflections and inherent cheerfulness of Jake's but also missed the darkness and anger that lay beneath the surface of Connor's. It was a strange mix of the two. A hybrid. In the same style of the body they now shared. "I know you and I don't know you and I hate you and I love you and I don't care about you." The voice stopped, it's distressed timbre stilling in the room as the others stared at him, their faces compassionate, their actions unhelpful. "I don't know!"

The final line came as a wail, almost inhuman in it's expression of pure suffering.

It was as the anguished cry made all those around him, even the unflappable Files and Records secretary, wince in pain and sympathy that the boy's body, whoever was controlling it, fled from the room.

*

"Oh my God." Cordy whispered, the first sound in the room since Connor's pain-filled scream.

"Bit of an understatement." Dawn replied scathingly, running her hand through long brown hair, an unconscious imitation of one of Jake's habits. She looked at her three older friends and couldn't help the resentment that built up inside her like a pile of burning coals. "You knew didn't you?" she spat out accusingly, "You knew who he was and you didn't tell me?" 

Angel closed his eyes for a brief second. He opened them again and apparently his wish that everything had changed hadn't come true because he muttered a swear word and bolted for the door, evidently in pursuit of his son. Cordelia uttered a strangled cry and tried to follow him, Wesley's arm restraining her.

It was Wesley who finally answered Dawn after glancing away from Cordy and seeing the seething resentment on the young girl's face. "Yes we knew." Dawn rounded angrily on him and he held up a placating hand. "And what would you have done Dawn if you'd known? Told him?" He found himself spitting the words out just as Dawn had done. He sighed tiredly and released his grip on Cordelia whose attention was still fixed on the door. "I'm going to ring some people. See if we can find him. Maybe fill Fred and Gunn in."

Dawn collapsed onto the cold floor, relishing the slight warmth that Jake had left. She distractedly picked up her boyfriend's Wolfram and Hart file. She stared at the picture of him as a baby. He's only been alive a few years, she thought, at least in this dimension. Just like me. Dawn smiled wryly. Trust that to be a thing they had in common. She began to read about the life of Connor Angel, not noticing Cordelia sliding down opposite to her.

The secretary of Files and Records had just starting running a search for some obscure information on a Siberian bounty hunter who was causing some trouble in Miami when the scandalised tones of a young college girl echoed through the room. "You **slept **with him!"

*

Passer-bys stared at the boy as he sat on the pavement, knees cradling his head, practically rocking backwards and forwards. Some tutted sympathetically and threw him some loose change while others just shook their heads in disgust and muttered things about degenerate youth.

Jake, or Connor, or whoever, heard none of this. He barely flinched when a coin thrown benevolently hit him hard in the leg. His mind was spinning faster than his body could take. He'd tried running. He'd ran as fast as he possibly could in the hope that he could outrun the pain. But it hadn't worked, a thousand different recollections crowded his head, screaming for his attention until he felt like the physical act of movement required too much thought and he'd collapsed upon the floor, crawling within himself.

He didn't know how long he'd sat there. Too many new memories were made by opening his eyes. The birth of a new day, or the death of an old one all required space in his already too jumbled mind. He didn't dare eat in case the taste of some food was new and needed to be recorded in his thoughts. So he just sat there, letting the memories spin around each other, letting them form some semblance of order in his disordered mind.

Jake and Connor first became aware of the coldness of the concrete he was sat on. Memories had slotted into place and he felt as though his mind was watching two separate television screens playing very different shows. He'd managed to stand and walk towards a convenience store, his hand reaching for the junk food that occupied a shelf. Two separate memories bombarded him. Eating a Twinkie stolen from a vending machine in a grotty motel room and eating a Twinkie handed to him by a caring mother whilst perched on an overstuffed sofa. 

The boy nearly dropped the food in his disorientation. He still couldn't work out which was real. The rational part of him, Jake, told him that Connor was real but then that same part of him cried with that knowledge. He looked around him and a dozen new stimuli called for his attention. The sound of the cashier asking if he was okay, the baby screaming in the next aisle, the strange mixture of blue and green that was the colour of the Corvette in the parking lot. 

He backed away from all this, clamping his hands over his ears. Neither Connor or Jake knew who they really were but they both knew that they needed the quiet.

*

Dawn hammered on the dorm room door, her hand a balled up fist. She was just contemplating screaming for someone to let her in when the door flew open to reveal an ashen-faced Chris. 

"Dawn." his voice was croaky as though he'd been yelling and he looked as bad as Dawn felt.

"Where's Jake?" she asked hurriedly, barging past him into the room. She stopped suddenly, a heavy weight falling on her chest. Jake's side of the room had always been neat but now it was unnaturally so. No books were out of order, no clothes were flung on the bed. Because there were no books, there were no clothes, there was nothing on Jake's side of the room. She span to face Chris who's hadn't moved from his position in the doorway. "Where is he?" All the anger was gone from her voice, leaving her sounding like a weak child.

Chris wouldn't meet her eyes, he just stared at the frayed carpet. "He's gone, Dawn." he looked up at her then, his eyes taking on an accusatory gleam. "Came barging in saying he needed the quiet and needed to get away and a whole load of other crazy babble and could I call his parents for him?" Chris' arms were waving frantically at her now, getting angrier by the second. "What the hell happened to him, Dawn!" he yelled the last bit, coming forward to grab her by the shoulders.

Dawn stared up at him, her shoulders beginning to shake in his grasp as tears started to roll down her face. "He's gone?" she whispered, the pathetic sound making the anger drain from Chris. He shifted his arms as she began to sob and embraced her, resting his chin on the crown of her head as, only hours before, Jake himself had done.

*

At first glance there was nothing strange about the boy who stepped off the bus in the small rural town, sports bag flung over his shoulder, duffel bag in one hand and what appeared to be a chemistry book in the other. Of course, in the small town there wasn't really anyone about to see that there was nothing strange about the boy but the clerk at the old hotel that he wandered into noticed that there was something odd about the boy's eyes. He didn't look around enough, his eyes always fixed on a point that to the elderly clerk looked completely boring. He wouldn't even look at the man who was handing him the key to his room, which in the clerk's opinion was terribly rude.

In fact the only time that this strange boy even talked was to ask to be left alone. 

They probably thought I was strange, thought Jake. Connor didn't seem particularly perturbed by the idea. He was getting used to it, though it would certainly take a lot of time for the two sets of memories to be fully understand and the emotions ravelled among them finally unravelled, but he would do it. He thought of Jake's family and wondered if they would still know him and resolved one day to find out. And he thought of Angel and Jake's influence seemed to encourage Connor to find out more about him. And he thought of Dawn and Cordelia and thought that he was going to have to find out which one he, this fusion of Jake and Connor, loved. And he realised that he was going to have to decide what the hell he was going to call himself.

But right now all he wanted was to have some joint knowledge that didn't revolve around the number of the Greyhound bus he'd taken here.

With a determined shrug he dragged the heavy chemistry book onto his lap and began to learn the periodic table.


	11. Epilogue

Dawn flung open the door to her room and leapt across the piles of clothes littering the floor in time to grab the ringing phone from it's cradle.

"Hello?" she said breathlessly, supporting the phone between chin and shoulder as she tried to shrug out of her coat.

"Dawnie?" Buffy sounded worried, causing Dawn to roll her eyes recognising the tone of her sister's voice as one she heard far too often. "Are you okay?"

"Jeez, Buffy, I'm fine. I just ran in that's all." she replied irritably. "Is there something you wanted?"

"Just, you know calling to say hi."

"Uh-huh." Dawn answered knowingly. "And to check that I'm all right."

"Well, you know, it's nearly a year…"

"God Buffy! I'm well aware that's it nearly a year since my heart was broken and can I just say that I seem to handle it way better than you ever did!"

"Fine." Buffy's hurt voice floated back, causing a twinge of guilt in her younger sister. "I was just making sure my little sister was okay but obviously you don't need my help." 

"Buffy," Dawn started and was greeted by the dial tone. "Damn." she muttered placing the phone back. She noticed her answer phone flashing and played the messages as she collapsed onto her bed.

"Dawn!" Chris' cheerful voice occupied the first message. "What you up to next week? Because there is this great concert on the beachfront that we just have to go to! Call me back." Dawn let a smile grace her features, she knew Chris was just trying to take her mind off the anniversary and she also knew she really wouldn't be in the mood for any beachfront fun. But she would go because Chris needed the distraction just as much as she did.

"Dawn?" Dawn froze as she heard Angel's hesitant voice over the phone. "It's Angel." a muffled noise in the background almost made Dawn smile. "Actually it's everyone. We, erm, just wanted to see how you were. Call me back if you want to." Dawn sat for a moment, lost in thought, until she leaned over determinedly and pressed the 'erase' button deleting Angel's voice from the machine. She'd barely spoke to them since that night and could never really get rid of all the blame she felt against them.

Dawn grunted in exasperation, throwing herself back on the bed. She knew everyone meant well but all they were doing was bringing up the memories she'd quite happily tried to forget. Wasn't repression a valid method of living anymore?

She fingered the throw that lay under her and was assailed with the memory of Jake holding her there. "Damn." she muttered again, rising up hurriedly and shaking her head, as though to dispel the memory.

She began to pace the room, irritably kicking the armchair every time she came into contact with it. After a few minutes of this Dawn stopped and stared out into the dark night framed by the window. She glanced at the armchair realising that there were things that were much more worthy of her aggression. Dawn span to stride out the room, grabbing her jacket and weapons bag as she went.

As Dawn meandered down the path she was reminded of another night very similar to the one around her. She shook her head again and tried to think of something different. Motorbikes. Damn, Jake would've looked good on a motorbike. No, she thought furiously. Bunny rabbits. Ah, there we go, thought Dawn, absolutely no connection to Jake. Except I'm still thinking about him. 

Dawn irritably pushed her hair behind her ears and began to scan the area hopefully. A smile lit up her face as she saw the familiar figure of a vampire wearing horribly out of date, seventies style platform boots. Oh, and the disfiguring facial ridges was also a give-away. She happily strode across the grass and was rewarded with the vampire looking up at her, shocked. 

Of course, then his expression turned to one of happiness and he made the obligatory references to little girls, dark alleyways and bad, bad men. Dawn just rolled her eyes whilst informing him that they weren't **actually **in a dark alleyway and moved forward to attack him, stake clasped expertly in hand. The only flaw in Dawn's attack plan was the fact that the vampire was probably actually a decent fighter, killer and all round bad guy. So as she felt his fist connect with her jaw the only thing Dawn could think was; crap. Least she wasn't thinking about Jake.

* 

The sound of the fight was loud in the night, but then to Connor, the sound of the sleeping birds in the trees were loud in the night. He watched from a few feet away, perfectly in sync with the darkness, as Dawn battled the vampire.

One part of him, the part he knew as Jake, was yelling at him to go help her whilst Connor was perfectly comfortable just watching the display to see how Dawn did. He started to argue with himself before both parts of him dissolved into laughter. He supposed he'd quite easily get diagnosed as schizophrenic but Connor relished both parts of him. 

They'd been a good influence on each other, until it came to the point that sometimes it was very hard to tell which part of him was which. The only reason he'd chosen the name of Connor was because he'd never really liked Jake anyway.

Dawn managed to aim a kick exactly where it would hurt any male the most and Connor took a moment to wince in sympathy and smile that it was a good job that vampires couldn't have children anyway. Well, most vampires. She looked like she was winning, her punches and kicks hitting the vampire exactly where Connor himself would have aimed them. But Dawn didn't have the supernatural reflexes that would have saved her from the spinning kick that the vampire delivered, throwing her to the ground. Connor rolled the smooth wood of his stake around in his hand as he started forward.

*

Dawn stared up at the vampire, groggily, she could practically see the cartoon stars she imagined were floating around her head. Her brain was screaming at her to get up and move but her body wouldn't respond, her limbs felt frozen in place as the vampire lowered his mouth to her exposed neck.

Should have worn a scarf, thought Dawn dazedly, even as the vampire exploded in a cloud of ash above her.

She gawked up through the haze of vampire remains seeing the figure of a man above her. He lowered his hand, which Dawn grasped gratefully and hauled her to her feet with absolutely no effort.

*

The gentlemanly part of him offered Dawn a hand and both parts of him, both parts that had grown to love her, lit up with a smile as he saw her.

Her face was a mask of shock but she didn't drop her hand which he took as a good sign. Though he was still waiting for the punch that the dozens of bad romance movies he'd watched promised he'd receive.

*

Dawn couldn't have dropped his hand if she'd tried. Her entire body was numb with shock, her mouth opening and closing ineffectually as she tried to speak to the boy that was staring at her with Jake's face.

* 

They faced each other, one side smiling, one trying to overcome her shock even as a smile graced her own features.

"Hi, I'm Connor." He had to say something, the silence was making him fidgety. Dawn smiled then, it lighting up her face, her bright blue eyes glowing with happiness. She shifted her grip on his hand, till she was shaking it in a friendly gesture.

"Nice name, I'm Dawn." And then she threw her arms around him, just revelling in the feel of him.

And the boy who was both Connor and Jake, the boy that Dawn loved, felt as though he'd finally worked out who he was.

THE END

Final A/N: Cheesy, I know. But this is the end. I know I could have written more about Jake/Connor's discovery of himself but I start university in a couple of weeks and my best friend starts this weekend so between getting myself sorted and seeing her before she goes I really don't have the time to write that much. But I would just like to thank everyone who reviewed, reviews really do motivate a girl and I hope that everyone who read it enjoyed it, even when it veered into angst-y territory. Thank you all so much. 


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